right, this might take a while and i'm not sure i'm going to get it all done in a oner- especially since i just realised i have reading for tomorrow to do and its already 10pm.
however, i owe keir a few answers...
to find out what the heck i'm talking about check out
this and also this cos although its a fair bit of reading, its the background to it all.
so, i'm sitting here listening to ben folds five radio on pandora and trying to work out how to respond to all of this...
(just in case you were wondering, the song thats on just now is by a band called blackfield and is titled lullaby)
first off, i just want to say that i don't like being labeled. i guess its me trying to stay myself, unique, not tarred by someone else's brush, but i guess it's going to happen. so, i'm objecting to being called a "fundamental christian" since i don't think its fair to group people together like that- my flatmate has discovered that she really doesn't like the term "ned" so this is similar. did that make sense? i'm not even sure.
i am human, completely and uttely, there's no way i'm going to deny that, and so, as a human, i am open to human fears and doubts and am not always convinced by the most rational thing, or by the thing i know to be true, i can and will doubt the earth i stand on, i will be plagued with fears about myself, the way i treat others, the way i respond to others- even today, my self-belief was shaken, i thought i was a fairly nice person who made time and space for people, but today, in one situation, i seemed not to be, someone else got really uncomfortable and felt really unwelcomed and that hurt me so much. that i could make someone feel so uncomfortable. i'm still not sure it was all my fault, but i felt like the smallest piece of crap ever. i apologised and everything, but even now i am still shocked by the whole situation. if i can be so shaken by one thing like that, what makes me sure of anything?
i believe that the Bible contains the truth of how and why our world was created. we had a grill-a-christian night at j-hill on monday night and dan answered a lot of these sorts of questions really well. but i need to know for myself. the bible, continually points us to Jesus. all these accounts in the New Testament (NT) were written in the 30 or so years after Jesus' death and resurrection. these are all, primary, eyewitness accounts. they are letters and gospels all written about this one man, whose existence is verified by other historians too. there is no where that Jesus' body could have been taken to without discovery, there is no reason for the disciples to have lived and died in such ways for a falsehood, there is nothing that i can say to make anyone believe what i believe, but in so many cases, there is no way that people can't be gripped by what they read in the Bible.
no, not everyone has access to a Bible, not everyone will hear about Jesus in their lifetime, but i believe in a Just God, one who will not condemn without reason. if you hear and do not believe, thats completely different from never hearing.
i'm sorry that its been two weeks or so since i started this, but i've just been so busy and unable to thibk and i keep thinking, if i just find this new passage in le bible or this book or that commentary, but really what i think we need to hear is the words of duke special- last night i nearly died but i woke up just in time. i hope i'm awake and that you are all awakened.
i hope, eilidh, that you don't mind me reproducing part of your email here, but it just made so much sense... so, thanks: "Suzi, I was reading your blog and Keir's comments, I don't know how I'd respond to that, quite challanging things. A couple of things I thought though, God is so much bigger than your doubts and questions, I think He uses those to teach you. In fact I think that's true of any belief system and Keir doesn't seem to be there. When you think you have the answer then you give yourself no room to learn, to doubt forces you to explore and gain a deeper understanding, it's a necessity, not a weakness in faith. Faith is not another word for irrational belief, faith is the action of commiting to a belief that logic has only carried so far. Keir's faith is an atheistic faith but it is a faith. Logic, science, the world does not lead to atheism or theism, if anything it leads to agnosticism. He doesn't seem willing to challange his faith at all, something which I think all Christians are forced to do if they take their faith seriously. These are just a few, not very coherent, thoughts. Don't be discouraged by what he's saying, like you said in your blog, it's not up to you, only God can work in him."
(eilidh, i love you btw)
so, i'm sorry if this isn't what anyone was hoping for, i'm not entirely sure what i was aiming for when i started, but maybe its been helpful, maybe not.
