don't take the slide

wow, what a mega two weeks..
Uhm, well, its been a while since i wrote that sentence, and i am aware that I should be writing my placement essay right now and that there are a million other things that i need to do, really soon, but for the moment i'm going to take ten minutes off to write here.

I realised i need to have more conversations with and about God. I really do. I was out with my friend Pete on tuesday and we had a really good chat about spring harvest- i was telling him some of the stuff i learnt, like the fact that God does not forgive sin. He can't. It's not in His nature to forgive our sins. He requires that there is a sacrifice to atone for the sins of the people. Once upon a time, there was a high priest, who, once a year could go into the holiest of holies and speak to God, pleading for His people and sacrificing a goat. how a goat could carry peoples sins, I have no idea, but God said that it was enough. This wasn't really good enough, so a man came along, a man who was completely sinless, who faced the ultimate and only temptation: to go his own way or Gods, the same temptation- wrapped up in different colours, but at its base, the exact same temptation- that we all face every day, and who, at the point it was most crucial, prayed and cried and pleaded and sweat blood for the decision. and God still didn't release him, yet it was still his choice. he could have turned away and left us sacrificing goats and he would no longer be sinless and the whole history of the world would be different, but he didn't. he said, yet not my will, but yours. and he went to his death, the lamb on the cross. Jesus died and shed blood and that was the ultimate sacrifice. Nothing more is neccessary to atone us, except living with and in Jesus. God sees only his beloved son.

I know all this and yet i still struggle to live it day on day, minute on minute, hour on hour. i find myself getting annoyed, frustrated, tense about things that are not supposed to make me feel that way, i get angry at things that are no-ones fault, but are my problem and yet I don't talk about it. I need to get my head straight, I need to just abide in Christ and let him live through me.

I'm going to meet a friend tomorrow and i really hope we have good conversations. and i really pray that our flatcooling tomorrow (which you are invited to, by the way.) will be awesome, but not just because of the food and booze and music, but also because we are having awesome conversations and because God will be watching over it and just letting the best aspects of every person there shine through. I really want people to enjoy themselves and enjoy each other and everything... ah, this is a bit of a confused rant, but thats ok. i have to get back to my stinky essay now.