why amn't i doing any work?

why amn't i doing any work?

i suck at revision
especially when no1 else has to revise.









ONE MORE EXAM THEN I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!

The curtain has finally fallen.

The stage has been set, the play has played out and now the curtain has fallen to, in some -rare- cases, thunderous applause. For the rest of the actors, the recognition was, more or less, as their stature deserved. Some, unnoticed, carried the play along, their momentum forcing the rest of the cast to work to their best, but these people are destined to be in the shadows, to gain no recognition. They are the backbones, but who notices the backbone? Only when it is gone do we miss it.

In so many ways, an era of our lives is over. It barely feels like it had really begun.

Friendships forged in act 1 fell by the wayside before scene three even began. Those that last till the final act may disintegrate behind the curtain, or they may continue, passing through the void into real life, onto a higher plane, to a different dimension. Even then, these newly forged ties may twist and break, the silver cords that bound them, looking so beautiful, but shattering so easily. The cords made from cotton, reinforced by time and experience, glued to the wrists of those involved may not look up to much, but often prove to be the most enduring. These boring, commonplace, everyday friendships, loves, heartaches have the power and the tenacity to survive. All the tensions, all the strife, all the disagreements, all melt into the fabric of the relationship and stain it with that particular hue of love. As well as the bad times, these cords are strengthened by the good times, by the shared joys, the laughs, the moments of unexpected, but utterly companionable silence... The whispers on the wind, the simplest joys of life, when shared, also strengthen these unusual bonds of friendship.

Within our own plays we had a part, and we played it to our ability. Now, in the real world, we have to start again, we have to build on the experiences we had whilst performing. In the slightly unnatural, slightly stultifying atmosphere of our previous lives we formed ourselves. Now, we can recreate these former people if we so wish. Or we can recreate ourselves anew. Different people moving to different places.

I don't want to lose myself in a new, highly stimulating, extraordinary setting. I want to grow within the person I have become, shaped by those threads that bind me to certain people. Within my play, there have been many characters, some of whom have fallen by the wayside, but not without some thought. Some, more central, have shaped me by their continual presence and their continued bond, even though their end of the thread lies motionless in the ground. Just because I can not see them doesn't mean they don't still have a profound effect on me. These friends, comrades, fellow actors, though fallen, still remind me of important things and lessons in my life. Through one I learnt the true importance of friendship and acceptance and how one simple kind word can change your perspective and the amount of joy you gain from a situation. Never take friendship for granted. Work hard at it. Anything good deserves to be worked at. Of those cords attached to my wrist, there are plenty of plain cotton, several that are fraying and one or two that are showing themselves to be truly made from platinum. These bonds all have different properties and mean different things. The frayed ones could still be pulled taut, could still be rescued, but that requires work on both parts. Some are showing themselves up as barbed wire, wanting only to cut and scar, not to bring learning and growth. These ones need work and love to soften and become copper or cotton. The hardest tests can prove either our making or undoing, can be the most rewarding or utterly devastating.

Friends can become more than that. Friends can become lovers, enemies, companions. For friends who choose more, it can be great, or it can devastate. As long as those friends don't forget that they too, have more than one thread each around their wrists, don't allow those threads to fray, don't ignore the tugging that grows gradually softer, then they can have a good and encouraging relationship. We all have to pay attention to the warnings that the bonds we have give us. If we don't, we doom ourselves to trying to create new bonds all the time, because we can't support the effort required to nurture bonds, the time needed to allow threads to show their true colours.

New places mean new experiences. Ones that we haven't quite decided if we want to encourage or not. We have to choose our new bonds, but we cannot forget the threads we already sustain.

Within life there are many adventures. They all shape us, whether or not they leave us with fresh threads to nurture and cherish.

Life is your choice. You choose how to live it. Choose well.

well well well

I don't have much to say.

I really can't think of much.

I think I used it all up on writing emails the other night.

However I do have a surprise planned, which I'm sure I will detail after the event.

So, until then, goodnight.

what a strange day

I spent all afternoon in school. Got the 7.45 bus home. what a laugh. not really. Though it was a funny journey (in some ways).

I spent the rest of my evening making a skull and amending my dissertation. what fun.






well, thats all.










enjoy your less stressful lives.






MY EXAM IS THURSDAY!

dahn-nah-naha

I was listening to James Blunt in the car earlier and I Love his songs. Literally.

Anyway, I thought thats since I really haven't updated in a while and I feel bad I would update today. Also, Mr Darge hasn't emailed me back about my dissertation yet, so I can't really do anything to that. But nevermind.

So, yeah, this has been an interesting two months, the end of March kinda sucked, since it was exactly a month since Nicky died the day after my Mum's birthday, and then Roz's next door neighbour was buried on the anniversary of Nick, and then it was Roz's birthday, which was tres cool, but the weirdest part was that I saw Gareth on the street on the monday, almost exactly a year since the last time I saw him. So that freaked me out. But I got my creative writing done and I've now given Nicky her story, its at her grave in poly wallets.

Uh.. Yeah, and the easter holidays were good, however, I once again managed to screw myself up royally. I did this last at New Years, and I repeated it at Easter. I think I should just not hang out with guys. I always get into weird situations. The thing is that I love my friends too much to not hang out with them, but then that gets me into trouble. Damn it.

Yeah and then I had a minor altercation with one of my best friends about a situation and that depressed me for a while, but we got it sorted and I think it actually helped. We are more honest, which I have to say, Rocks my Sock. (As Gordo would say.) So I guess all in all, its been a positive month...

Apart from, there are times when I feel invisible. (What? With that laugh? Impossible!) But I'm not always that loud/happy/whatever, so when I do come down I often sit on the edge. I really felt invisible at one point last night, but hey, its no big deal, I was out of the way. But whatever, I had a fun night.

Well, I've been to school today and done lots of drama and eaten crap instead of real food, so Its been a productive day. I'm now off to watch last weeks ER and clear my room. Toodle-pip.

everlasting love

not because I've found it or anything.. that song is just randomly in my head.

So, its the holidays.

tara had a party (which was FUUUUUUUN!)

sara had a party (david showed us his ass four times in a row. he was a leetle drunk. just a little. he has no recollection of this. apparently.)

Roz is having a party (in a couple of weeks...)

the silly people on the profile committee lost my profile (oh, yes, lost it) so Jen and Roz wrote me a new one today. Because today is the deadline. lovely. well, anyway.

Thats been a short summary of my life.
























ARGH.........................WORK!! (school and otherwise. ) its killing me.