what a strange day

I spent all afternoon in school. Got the 7.45 bus home. what a laugh. not really. Though it was a funny journey (in some ways).

I spent the rest of my evening making a skull and amending my dissertation. what fun.






well, thats all.










enjoy your less stressful lives.






MY EXAM IS THURSDAY!

dahn-nah-naha

I was listening to James Blunt in the car earlier and I Love his songs. Literally.

Anyway, I thought thats since I really haven't updated in a while and I feel bad I would update today. Also, Mr Darge hasn't emailed me back about my dissertation yet, so I can't really do anything to that. But nevermind.

So, yeah, this has been an interesting two months, the end of March kinda sucked, since it was exactly a month since Nicky died the day after my Mum's birthday, and then Roz's next door neighbour was buried on the anniversary of Nick, and then it was Roz's birthday, which was tres cool, but the weirdest part was that I saw Gareth on the street on the monday, almost exactly a year since the last time I saw him. So that freaked me out. But I got my creative writing done and I've now given Nicky her story, its at her grave in poly wallets.

Uh.. Yeah, and the easter holidays were good, however, I once again managed to screw myself up royally. I did this last at New Years, and I repeated it at Easter. I think I should just not hang out with guys. I always get into weird situations. The thing is that I love my friends too much to not hang out with them, but then that gets me into trouble. Damn it.

Yeah and then I had a minor altercation with one of my best friends about a situation and that depressed me for a while, but we got it sorted and I think it actually helped. We are more honest, which I have to say, Rocks my Sock. (As Gordo would say.) So I guess all in all, its been a positive month...

Apart from, there are times when I feel invisible. (What? With that laugh? Impossible!) But I'm not always that loud/happy/whatever, so when I do come down I often sit on the edge. I really felt invisible at one point last night, but hey, its no big deal, I was out of the way. But whatever, I had a fun night.

Well, I've been to school today and done lots of drama and eaten crap instead of real food, so Its been a productive day. I'm now off to watch last weeks ER and clear my room. Toodle-pip.

everlasting love

not because I've found it or anything.. that song is just randomly in my head.

So, its the holidays.

tara had a party (which was FUUUUUUUN!)

sara had a party (david showed us his ass four times in a row. he was a leetle drunk. just a little. he has no recollection of this. apparently.)

Roz is having a party (in a couple of weeks...)

the silly people on the profile committee lost my profile (oh, yes, lost it) so Jen and Roz wrote me a new one today. Because today is the deadline. lovely. well, anyway.

Thats been a short summary of my life.
























ARGH.........................WORK!! (school and otherwise. ) its killing me.

blah

hm.

well.


Uhrm. Finding Neverland. Is an excellent film.

I spent most of yesterday unable to construct proper sentences. Alot of the time it sounded like I was drunk. I can assure you, I was not.


Anyhoo, I'm sure I had something interesting to say, Oh yeah, I was thinking about previous posts, and I would like to say that I have not listened to either the Distillers or the Gossip for quite a long time. And actually, I'm not sure I particularly like either band as much as I did.

Not sure why you wanted to know that. I'm sure there are other things I could say.

good night.

ps. does anyone else find it odd seeing someone almost a year after you last saw them, but not speaking to them, just walking past? Or is it just the shaking bt thats weird? Sorry.

RSAM-frickin-D

What a load of prentious twaddle.

Sorry, but I realised on friday that although the RSAMD is (apparently) the school of excellence for drama in Scotland, all they really want are people who think that "Pushing a Building" is art. For eight (yes, EIGHT!) hours. Or, that balancing on a chair, blindfolded, in a stupid suit, is anything to do with any of our stimuli, or to with anything at all.

Honestly.

I'm not bitter, I realised by lunchtime that I didn't really want to go there anyway, but it would have been nice to know that i was good enough. I guess I'm not radical enough though.

Oh well. It was a fun day, and I (and some other guy caled Gordon, who's been auditioning for like three years) spent lunch tutoring another girl, Fiona, on how to read and learn Shakespeare because she is going back to do the acting audition. And she's never done Shakespeare. Soooo.. that should be interesting. Anyway, I'm off now. Got a report to revise.....

[alone]

I don't really know why im sitting here tonight. Yes, partially it is an attempt to escape from doing any work at all tonight, but other than that I really don't know.

I guess I'm feeling like the title says, alone. But not the big bad scary Alone alone, just, lonely I guess.

I have no reason to feel this way. Absolutely none. I guess its just because for one reason or another, today sucked and I don't really know why. Jeez, I don't know alot do I?

It's so selfish. 65 huh, thats all I get when I lean my head on the keyboard in despair. 65 and a beep. And no-one is online.

I just don't feel real sometimes. And then sometimes I think everything that is at all wrong with me is in my head. Like, hell, if I really put my mind to it, I could eat normal food. Yeah, whatever. I just.. I dunno, I feel like a fraud and a total ass for taking up everyones time when there are worse hings happening and whatever it is that I'm messing myself up with is nothing really.

I'm talking crap again. I'm going to leave.