living life in my own special little way
you should read this blog because he has a lot of good things to say and frequently says all the things i would love to think about, had i the time or was that sort of thinker.
won't you come and say if you know the way
the world we have created for ourselves is so full of censure. we
aaaaaaagh. i don't know what i'm trying to say.
sorry. i think i'll just go sit in a corner.
tonight was awesome in so many ways, i was at the evening service at church and kevin (?) one of the worship leaders was doing the talk/teaching and it was on worship (surprisingly enough) and it was just awesome. we did a few wee excercises, like meditation and writing down stuff and then we just sang and praised and it was awesome, and what was going through my head the whole time was "why"? why did nicky have to die why did granny have to go when she did why do i have to continually doubt you why did you do so much for us why did i make such amazing friends why would you go through so much pain why do you care for us why are you so amazing why why why why why why
but i couldn't escape the fact that god does love me so much that he'd give his only son for me and he'd go through that suffering and seperation and make that sacrifice for me (and you and you and you) and it was just like a big hug an amazing thought feeling emotion. so i was standing there barely able to sing through the tears just feeling so loved and secure and it was awesome i haven't felt that good in gods presence for a while so it was a homecoming of sorts. i think things are going to get a lot better here on in.
(sorry for lack of punctuation, but i was too "in the flow" to stop and punctuate and now i don't feel like it.)
happy halloween
today is my friends birthday, he is officially the spawn of satan :) but in a lovely way. wayhey.
tonight i'm going to get all dressed up and go on the razzamatazz.. woo hoo.
it'll be fun. :)
have a good old night everyone.
i am in NY right now. in the youth hostel we're staying at, having just seen RENT (amazing by the way) which my sister paid for, on the internet (which my sister paid for) with a new bag at my feet (which my sister paid for) sensing a theme here?
I've gotta make a call to the consulate soon (which my sister'll pay for) because i got my bag stolen yesterday. yes, thats right, within an hour of being in this fair city, i got my bag (passport, visa, drivers license, bus pass, ipod and all) stolen. the police her are very nice though, even though i did keep crying at them.. and am blatantly a tourist.
well, whats done is done, i can replace all that stuff, its not that big a deal, it just sucks. i have another day and a half here, so i'll still enjoy myself. though i am soooo tired....
ok, so its been a while since i updated this, but life has been crazy, to be honest. i've had so much to do in the last month that i just haven't stopped and i'm meant to be flying out to see my sister in the morning.. do i think i'll sleep.. mmmm, not much, eh.
so, whats been going on? well, i had freshers to do, which was crazy, but good fun, it was a kinda yeesh, i hhaven't stopped, but thats ok, i'm crazily tired and yet past the point of wxhaustion, so i'll just sit here and talk to random freshers. i think i've made a friend for life in one of the 1st years baca students. nice lad. what a gentleman. but hey.
then came the start of term, during this whole time though, i was filming with MYT my wednesday afternoon drama grou- they have all matured so much, and are doing such good work, its incredible. onyhoo, so this is going on, five days a week, i have classes, homework, lectures, its all a bit crazy. it kinda continued in this vein for a while, my parents left for peru, to go on the amazon hope and do medical supply stuff and what have you and then we get some shocking news.
my granny died monday of last week, she was 85 and two days away from her 86th birthday, in fairly good health- getting old, and forgetful but not ill or anything and in st serfs for two weeks while mum and dad were away. i was shocked. i still am i suppose. i had to phone meggie and tell her. the funeral was yesterday (wednesday) and it was good. Granny was Brethren, so there were all these women in hats (including me) and we were in this little hall in whiteinch, where granny used to worship. it was a nice service, we sang psalm 23, the lords my shepherd and then how great thou art. it was nice. there were loads of older people there who i didn't know, but who knew me... or had heard of me. i was the only one there from my immediate family, mum snd dad being in peru and meggie in the states, so that was strange, but it was good too, i suppose.
it was nice to see so many people turn out for the funeral, she was dearly loved in her community in glasgow and she never really settled into life in newort. but i will miss her. i'll miss teasng her and having fun with her, with her constant repetition of the same question, with the way she would slap my hand when i was making fun of her and laugh at me. its strange to think she's gone. but really, she is in a better place, thats what she believed and thats what i believe.
so thats my life... heading out to see meggie in about 9 hours time. yikes, i should get some sleep....
Meggie left for america yesterday.
its such a weird feeling, knowing that your little sister has left the country for the best prt of ten months and is going to have a great big adventure without you and all you're doing is going back to uni.. not that thats not an adventure r whatever, don't get me wrong, i love my course and i love all the people i've met and made friends with, so i'm glad i've done what i'm doing, but still... feels like you missed the boat somewhere along the line.
anyhoo.. thats what shes doing and its all good, she's going to have an amazing time and one i'm finished this degree i'm going to go off to outer mongolia or somewhere and do community arts with them, so nyah. :)
