cry your life away

i felt like utter crap yesterday. like something the cat had thoroughly chewed up, swallowed and then hacked up again before dragging in. one of my best friends, well actually she was more like a sister, well anyway, she had cf all her life and she wasn't doing too great, but she had surgery on sunday night in the hdu and everyonr thought she was doing ok, they were talking about taking her back to the normal ward, and then she died. she had chest infection and her immune system just wasn't up to the stress that last infection put on her. oh god. shes actually gone. i really can't believe that i will never see her lovely happy smiling face again. she was the best person i knew. i mean ok she liked all the stupid stuff all teenagers liked, but she wasn't cynical or horrid, she was just lovely and happy and brave and perfect. in so many ways she was exactly the same as everyone else, but fate dealt her a hand that said, ok you can have cf and arthritis and this and that and just about every bleeding thing in the medical journal this year, and you can die befoe your sixteenth birthday, and she said, fine, bring it on, but im going to be happy and smily and just the greatest, funniest, most annoyingly cheerful person. even when everyone else is crying im goin to cheer them up and look for the happiness in everything,but not in a sickening pollyanna type way, in a slightly disparaging, gossipy, confidential way. oh and im going to know everything thats going on. all the time.

and now shes gone. forever. all we have are our memories. until heaven......
so long.