...

argh! my media player wont play, so im on the computer with nothing to listen to except the crappy sounds made by aim or msn. it Sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cry your life away

i felt like utter crap yesterday. like something the cat had thoroughly chewed up, swallowed and then hacked up again before dragging in. one of my best friends, well actually she was more like a sister, well anyway, she had cf all her life and she wasn't doing too great, but she had surgery on sunday night in the hdu and everyonr thought she was doing ok, they were talking about taking her back to the normal ward, and then she died. she had chest infection and her immune system just wasn't up to the stress that last infection put on her. oh god. shes actually gone. i really can't believe that i will never see her lovely happy smiling face again. she was the best person i knew. i mean ok she liked all the stupid stuff all teenagers liked, but she wasn't cynical or horrid, she was just lovely and happy and brave and perfect. in so many ways she was exactly the same as everyone else, but fate dealt her a hand that said, ok you can have cf and arthritis and this and that and just about every bleeding thing in the medical journal this year, and you can die befoe your sixteenth birthday, and she said, fine, bring it on, but im going to be happy and smily and just the greatest, funniest, most annoyingly cheerful person. even when everyone else is crying im goin to cheer them up and look for the happiness in everything,but not in a sickening pollyanna type way, in a slightly disparaging, gossipy, confidential way. oh and im going to know everything thats going on. all the time.

and now shes gone. forever. all we have are our memories. until heaven......
so long.

a fire i can warm my hands, my joy will be complete.

well, happy mothers day! and happy birthday to my mum!
it must be great to have one day of the year when everyone buys you a gift or a noice card and is nice to you, and that day isn't your birthday. but then again being your birthday too would mean that everyone was twice as nice! well, hopefully!
I got a free book in the post the other day. it was a thankyou for running a group in school, one that i and hamish run. anyway, we both recieved books entitled "Teenagers; why do they do that?". i though that was pretty hilarious, i mean i guess i should know better than some old guy why i do what i do. but apparently not. it's quite an interesting read, the author talks alot about like determinism and naturalism and stuff, which generally, unless the reader had done some philosophy or religious analysis, or something, they really wouldn't get very easily. thankfully, higher rmps has prepared me a bit for it. i understood most of what he talked about. which was quite impressive for me.......!
Anyway. im on a hook. smell that cook, uhhuh. im your dream digger.
My dad has been out sailing in his new boat. i guess he had lots of fun.

Oh. oh. oh. my study window is so cool, you can sit at the desk and watch everyone going past. you can see everyone. its on the main road so you can just sit and watch cars all day. its great.

um. i'm bored now. oh well.

I'm falling down

Hello.
aaah. The fabby world of amateur dramatics, or in school dramatics where you get to get sloshed on stage! Well, if you're David or Clea. My character (naturally) doesn't touch a single drop of champagne..........
ho hum.
right I'm off.

you're just a poor misguided fool.

hello.
did you know that the ancient neanderthalian people who (obviusly) rode around on dinosaurs used carrots tied to sticks to make their dinosaurs run faster? no? well, according to volvic mineral water (which today really does taste just exactly the same as tap water) they invented this method a wee while before any modern day bright sparks thought of it.
anyhoo.
don't you know you've got your daddy's eyes and daddy was an alcoholic.
anyway, i should go do some (grrrr) homework.

but i could easily overpower you

hello there!
um.
hum.
hm.
anyway.

hello

all ants. i have an important annoncement concerning the wellbeing of small creatures. please be kind.

heylo ho

Indeed and good day to you all. tralala. It would be such a waste if (imagine here that your life is represented on a canvas, with colour and pictures, etc) your canvas was blank. If it only had minimal detail or colour or stories on it. I wouldn't like to think of my life being like that. But then again I don't want it to be taken up by big splodges of crap. cos if that happened then it would have everything. Which would be kinda harsh.

must I always take a back seat? Must I always be your clown?
I can't think of anything else to say now.
grr. I have now to babysit from 7.30 til 1.30. oh crap. oh bugger I have work too. buggery bollocksy... I should have just said no shouldn't I? I really really should have. But then again, it is money. Hopefully lots of money.
I would hate to always have to take the back seat. It must completely suck if you really like someone, or you know them really well but they don't notice you or they don't appreciate you. Always being the clown must utterly suck sometimes.

I turned to you and I said thank goodness for the good souls that make life better.

my life really is not very interesting. It's like endless school, homework, school, sleep, eat, school, school, homework, work, homework, church, eat, school, sleep. Really its quite mundane. So I don't really know why I bore the endless cyberness out there with my rambles. They are the pointless rambles of a 16 gong on 17 year old girl. Unfounded in anything very much. So I apologize. Sincerely.

doesn't mean I'm going to stop or anything.

tada

hello. I'm currently copying more and more CD's onto my computer. Its a very useful exercise. But I guess it would be more so if I had a laptop. Sadly I am confined to the family PC. och well. I'm listening to Belle & Sebastian. The newest album. Its so good. I'm sorry if he hit you with a full can of coke. Its no joke. Your face is bleeding you'll soon be leaving town to the clowns who worship no one but themselves. If you're not Emily, who already knows this, then you might be interested to know that the band took their name from a French comic about a boy and his dog. If I could do just one near perfect thing id be happy, they'd write in on my grave or when they scatter my ashes, on second thoughts id rather hang around and be there with my best friend if she wants me. argh I have an English essay to redraft (ie rewrite as the first draft was crap and I have to rewrite the main part of it....!) and I just cannot be bothered. I really really like this album its not the usual kind of thing I like but I really really like it. I usually listen to punk and rock and heavier stuff, but this is really really melodic and soaring and depressing sometimes, but happy too and its just great. I can't think of the words to describe music sometimes. I just love it. Piazza new York catcher are you straight or are you gay. ... Tenderly you tell about the saddest book you ever read, it always makes you cry. ooh, one amazing book I read was Rebecca. It is a fantastic book. I've never seen the film but I really really want to. I love that book. I'm being all over-enthusiastic about everything today but never mind. Oh and I failed my personal study in English and I'm getting kinda nervous about drama. Its so soon til the exam. Anyway. I must toddle off now.

emilyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

why oh why have you (not in especial particular, but just since you are one of the only people who reads this) nor anyone not emailed me?? I'm all upset and emailless. oh and i have a new twist for you for monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but unless you ask i won't tell. well i might. but its unlikely. ok i have nothing to actually ramble about.

wooo!

we have a new member! all give praise to Emily the fantastic! except for the weird fetish for maths. tada! ok. i can think of no inspiration for a massive blog, so il just go now. no fuss caused......!

My First Blog.

woah!! maths!! maths-to-the-maths-maths!!





hey there suzi. hey there gill.

ode to a sandwich.

Ho hum. I was just thinking, wouldn't it be great to be normal? Not like 'normal' as in sheep, as in follow all the trends, but normal, as in not me. As in being able to eat normal food, being able to go for lunch or tea or whatever and not having to worry about labels and sauces and whether any of the foods contain gluten or not. That would be great. I hate being Coeliac, sometimes i really really do. I have never eaten a shop sandwich. I probably never will. Which kinda sucks. So I thought I would just mention that. To cyberspace. Yet again. Pigs bum.

What should I ramble about today???

umm. little bo peep had a sheep.

hmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm

hmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
again I'm listening to starsailor its this little hidden bit on the end of the album, its all tuneful and melodic and harmonic and then someone laughs and it stops, but it goes out on a high, totally joyous, happy. I wish everything could end on an up note. It would make life so much better. But then again I guess it wouldn't. We would all have all these pent up emotions, all the sadness and disappointment in our entire lives would be built up until we couldn't stand it, and then once we burst no one would really know how to cope, so it would be sad, because you would be trying to be yourself and bare your soul and noone would get it, they would be all distressed and unable to understand because they hadn't been through it yet, and your life would no longer be happy and upbeat. oh crap I've just depressed myself. Fantastic. Well enjoy your evening. I have the gloomy prospect of maths homework that I am currently neglecting, (sorry, Emily, I know you like maths. You weird child you. If you get around to reading this...)

oh

by the way, the lyrics in the post befor last, the oh i do like to be beside the seaside one are by belle and sebastion and are from their album if you're feeling sinister. why do i have the compulsion to explain myself to the internet? its like talking in your head. oh, voices...

ill be your guide in the morning

you cover up bullet holes. listen to starsailor, love is here. it is an excellent album. again im suggesting things to myself that i already have. yippee.

oh I do like to be beside the sea

I'm not entirely sure why I'm yet again posting to the great unknown. No one reads these anyway. ho hum. I'm so happy, I got great fantastic fantabulous results in drama! I just need to sort out my acting piece now. Fantastic. I have to be fifty. And then I have to be Medea. oh fantastic!!!!! Anyhow. Yes well, 'Judy was a teenage rebel. She did it with a boy when she was young, she gave herself to books and learning, she gave herself to be a nun'..... 'make a new cult every day'. I think you should read touching from a distance. Its the life story of Ian Curtis, as told by his wife and best friends! It is really good, so far. It has a complete gig list at the end, and Joy Division played at Dundee in the Caird hall. It also has all the lyrics, published and unseen. It is an excellent book, but he is so not how you expect him to be, which just shows you that we all have misconceptions of people, we see them, or hear of them and we label them 'punk' 'Goth' 'weirdo' 'freak' 'geek' before we even see them, or know them. Its so sad really. No one can be themselves, truly themselves without the fear of being labeled and ostracized. Even if you do follow your instincts and be unique then someone is going to copy you. It's now cool to be different. But not many people really ever are, and those that like to think of themselves as different, cutting edge, cool, really are not, 9 times out of 10, they just fool themselves. There's this girl in my school who wrote the school magazine, the 'pupil' magazine, (my friend had the idea first, and it was meant to be underground, not school published. They had a dress sally page with all this 'alternative' clothing on it, and in maths once, me and gill made sally into dominatrix Greta. It was fun. oh, but my point) which was meant to be cool and alternative, but she just rambled about random (bad) American artists, ones that are not well known, because she thought that would make her cool and cultured. She also called everyone who uses straighteners a sheep, even though she does too. Hypocrite. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'm very hypocritical too sometimes, but it was just so blatant, and argh. I just don't like her, or people like her. Anyway. ok I'm going to go, because I think I have homework. ie lines to learn!

hello all

hello hello hello
I'm sorry its been a loooooooong time since my last blog. I do apologise! I now have blogger hoodie!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow!
goodbye goodbye goodbye